Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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