we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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