You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
