Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
