Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why do cheetos always look like penises
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
