Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
