Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
