You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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