Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
