Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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