This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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