laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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