He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
