he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize