Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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