normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
