ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
