just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
