i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
