She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
