grandma shit on top of the toilet
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
