I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
not ubering you a puppy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
