i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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