also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
