When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
