he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
