No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
