The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
