Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
