My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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