ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
