you win again, gameday.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
