I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
