how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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