I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
