Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
