I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
