Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
