would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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