Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
