so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize