So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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