no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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