i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
