What a fucking waste of an outfit
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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