Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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