How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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