I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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