Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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