I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
