just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
