My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We had to coat check the pizza.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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