**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
