Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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