i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I want is dick and wine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
