why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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