Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize