You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
