And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
