can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
