Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
