dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
