Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
