i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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