And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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