Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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